How are you doing more of what you said you were going to do?

This is my response to this

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: An Alternative to Competing with People

I've written more. I actually out effort in writing my own fantasy story. Getting to the nitty-gritty of it. I've pushed myself to let my stuffs get out there and face the world, and I've felt good about it. I've shared with people the stories and emotions I've kept within my heart for so long.

More often than not I've kept myself buoyed on top of my low moods and lethargy. I've kept myself motivated and focused on the tasks at hands. I've become more present.

I've pushed myself to go out there to meet people. I've opened my sight to sharper details of life.

I am improving, every day.

Reprints of classics

Beautiful packaging, but the same content inside. The same content, the same story, that u can get on the internet. For free.

What is the point in this? An effort to waste paper?

Be nice

Be nice, HM. But where is the sincerity in that? Damn nicety if I dont feel like baring my teeth for someone else. Oh, so im immature and unprofessional? Damn it too, if professionalism encourages insincerity just to get things done. People are lower than the tasks you say?

But, is it really that? People want to hear nice things. Nice things numb their inconfidence. It soothes their hurt ego, however their ego might have been hurt. It's like sex, or drugs, or alcohol, to numb the reality a bit.

Because people enjoy illusions. That's why there is faith an religion. That's why fantasy writers sell even though what they tell people is technically lies. Stories are enjoyed and even are acted upon because people are enthralled by the illusions in which they wrapped themselves.

Transition

If you're in a period of transition, you don't need to be anywhere but where you are. It's okay to take some time to savor nothingness. It's okay to not know the answers. It's okay to be unsure about what you want to do next in your career. It's okay if you're procrastinating about something. It's okay to be going through massive amounts of pain.

Every job, relationship, friendship, family member, unfortunate circumstance, health situation, birth, death…

All of it is perfect. All of it is full of extremely important lessons that, if learned, will make you stronger, wiser, more open-hearted, more open-minded, more free, and more yourself than ever before.

Source: Facebook

Anger

When im inspired, i feel angry. I need to be angered to get that fire and passion and dedication out of me, to create miracle. When inspired, Im in a constant state of anger.

I look for conflict. I flinch at utopian happiness.

Im a rebel at heart. Like a soldier always readying for conflict. Her muscles tense with the smell of war.

Green

Im jealous. Its so sudden, but i am.
Why do i have to be nice? What's the point?
What do I want to know? He can go with whatever. I dont care. Why should I care?
I hate you!

Sherlock fandom

Why do i like sherlock fandom so much?
Same chars, i dont hav to get to know them again.
Same very vivid & interesting & complimenting chars. I've not got tired of them all after 6 months, a feat!
Reminds me of my own self image and contradictions. Make me question my limits & values. Strengthen my own self.
Hmmm….the steamy bits r really steamy.
The thrill of finding the really good ones….a bit like hunting.
The sheer amount of good fics out there, the sheer scale of it all.
People who keep me updated daily. With a very good sense of humour.

The latter the better

Darwinism, evolution and the illusion that the later (descendance) has to better than the precedence.

Darwin's law of evolution says that humans who manage to pass down their genes are stronger than those who dont. It's survival of the fittest. So from Darwin onwards we tend to criticise the past, to think that the present is better and the future will be best.

That could be why we always want more, because more is better.

But is it so? Watch the first part of this recent clip from TED. 

Russell Foster: Why do we sleep?

How has we industrial creatures treat sleep? For those who dont know yet, sleep takes up one third of our lives. Whenever I plan my overload schedule, I always have to put in a blank of 8 hours of sleep because that is unavoidable no matter what. But of course i dont quite follow what I've set myself to 'not do' for the sake of that blank.

Seeing that a core part of our life - sleep - is ignored by us - supposedly better humans of later generation, what would Shakespeare's contemporaries say about this? "Those foolhardy humans are certainly not from our blood! Our descendants can't be worse than us"? No, they wouldn't have k own Darwin yet, so it should be like this: "Thou foolish future species! No time like our time! That's why the world will end in 2012! When humans don't sleep anymore and just die of exertion!"


From this little 'fable', what do you think? Why changes are often assumed to be better? We scorn the past for being undeveloped. Those from developed countries must have once been appalled at the conditions of 'backward' developing countries, even when they go there for a holiday in search of 'a past long lost'. Nostalgia might have painted the past in soulful oiled colours onto huge canvass, but the so-called 'truth' remains: we now are better off, somehow.

But are they so?

Traces

From what i see from my mum's life, she was unhappy w the family. So dont expect me to want to hav and believe in domesticity. I know i should not let the past dictate my present, and I have tried to do that by making the effort of spending time w the relatives. But that doesnt mean that the past's legacy is wiped out; traces of it will always be there, clinging onto my psyche like a dull blood stain. I still remember the various states of unhappiness of people in my family, and the pain that they inflicted onto each other, including me. So to me the family will never get to see the intimate, personal side of me. Ever since i was 14, i have made an unconscious vow which i still uphold, that there r things to tell and things not to tell, and the things got told lessen in number as I grow up. Of course I'm still expected to share, such futile hope that led to superficial reporting of unimportant happenings in my life.

The bad

The bad side of me:
I scorn weakness. I scorn weak people. I judge & determine the true value of a person, object or experience. Im subjective & judgemental.

Career plonking

Im willing to build my career from solid rock bottom. I dont want a fast but superfluous job that does nothing in the long term.
But what kind of career do i want?
Why do I want to do a PhD?
To train my skills in writing and researching and thinking, skills i will need for my fantasy world building and writing later on.
To buy more time and for my creative endeavour which i dont want to put under any pressure of deadlines, sales or audience, yet. For me to develop my own style.
To earn some chances to travel and learn about different people and the world. To contribute to my long term database of life.
For status, people's approval and a job. I need these basics for my creative life later on.
I dont mind hard work. Actually i think i thrive in hard work. I accept the challenge of difficult people and unfamiliar places. Eventually they will all add to my inventory of life.

Hoarding

I collect. Ok, I hoard. I just want to be surrounded by stuffs I like. And get rid of all the rest.

Family is a trap

Im the girl who hides away her most intimate and authentic side from her family. Who thinks of family as a trap confining her to old ideas and the exaggerated feat of the outside world. Family is her responsibility, heavy on the shoulders but light in the heart. She acts, even at home. She doesnt know when to be herself, to whom she can be herself.
Steve jobs: connect the dots, dont waste ur time living others' lives, death clears out the old to make space for the new, stay hungry and foolish.
Maybe its like what Thandia Newton said: your self keeps changing, you dont need it in order to understand others. This reminds me of benjamin button: he doesnt think about himself that much: he thinks about people and jobs.
I also want to delve into the psyche of someone different, to see the world from another pair of eyes, to feel the differences in thoughts and emotions. I want to really know someone, intimately, thoroughly.

突然想玩文字游戏

不只是一字之差的文字游戏，还是有点可以琢磨的地方。
胸口摸得着的尺寸叫胸围，
胸口摸不到的尺寸叫胸襟；
眼睛看得到的地方叫视线，
眼睛看不到的地方叫视野；
眉毛皱得出的形状叫情绪，
眉毛皱不出的形状叫情感；
耳朵听得到的动静是声音，
耳朵听不到的动静是声誉；
鼻子闻得到的味道叫气味，
鼻子闻不到的味道叫气息；
嘴里说得出来的话叫内容，
嘴里说不出来的话叫内涵；
脸上看得出的表情叫气色，
脸上看不出的表情叫气魄；
掌纹看得出的线条是命理，
掌纹看不出的线条是命运；
脚下走得到的距离叫梦想，
脚下走不到的距离叫幻想；
背后摸得到的硬度叫脊椎，
背后摸不到的硬度叫脊梁；
脑袋测得出的东西叫智商，
脑袋测不出的东西叫智慧；
手比划出来的动作叫手势，
手比划不出的动作叫手段；
头发遮得住的地方叫刘海，
头发遮不了的地方叫脑海；
额头上看得出来的是皱纹，
额头上看不出来的是岁月；
喉咙吞得掉的东西是口水，
喉咙吞不掉的东西是口碑；
舌尖尝得出的东西是味道，
舌尖尝不出的东西是味口；
心里测得出的律动是心跳，
心里测不出的律动是心绪；
证件上印出来的叫做文凭，
证件上印不出来的叫文化；
看得见的自大表情叫傲气，
看不见的自尊底线叫傲骨；
温度计量得出来的叫温度，
温度计量不出来的叫温暖；
蜡烛点得燃的数字叫岁数，
蜡烛点不燃的数字叫岁月；
还能尝得到的味道叫回味，
已经尝不到的味道叫回忆；
且转且评的是微信，
不转不评的是微笑。
Created with Werdsmith.

Water overload

He opens the door and water pours out. The room is submerged in water. The water opens a path for him. Aroma is practicing.

Happiness trap

I don't want to fall into the happiness trap laid out for young women. I'd rather be alone than waiting for someone to make me happy. I want to break free from the confinement of womanhood to prove that you can be a woman and be great. There is no need to bow to the current status quo especially when I don't agree with it. Don't force me into convention.

Scared of attachment

To be honest, im scared of being in a relationship. Even though i dream of one, that never includes me as who i am. I just put on someone else's identity and enjoy being him or her for a while. Just a while, and then i can switch back to being the solitary me. Yes, i am slippery like a true aquarius or even gemini, but i also understand the meaning of relationship like a stable capricorn would. But if my choices define who i am, then i am an aquarian through and through.

Relax, dear me!

Yes i am flighty, slippery, and unpredictable. But so what? I need those moments of freedom so that I can produce moments of sharp critical intellect that synchronizes all accounts, that cancels out emotional, irrational thoughts to polish high-quality thinking. I need my moments of freedom and my moments of wisdom. I need that balance to remind myself that I'm not limited to one path, that I am truly in control of how I want to live my life.

If I had told you....

If I had told u that I missed you there and then, I would have been unable to go again.

But I have to go again, I'm on this path already, I won't quit. Quitting makes it all meaningless.

Dont think you can force me!

I hate people who think that they can force me. Who cannot look past my easy-going flighty demeanor to see the silent fighter within. Who think they are helping me by pushing me but in fact they are in my way creating more obstacles. The more they push the stronger my inner darkness grow. The more silent I become the colder the fighter in me hardens. People interpret my silence as humiliation. Im glad i can keep the danger within. The fighter cannot come out too soon.

My strengths

I can think. I can conjure a sharp argument with easy effort. I can maintain a debate with sustained arguments. I can express a highly complex view with room for adjustment. I am often aware of the counter argument to my own argument, and I can prepare to protect my argument. My use of the English language in oral and written communication is concise and flexible, sometimes with an artistic flair if necessary.

Late night versing

Secrets are told to be revealed

Love is shared to grow

Promises are broken to hurt

Drama are played to feel

Prone to Theatrics

J and I are masters of drama. 

"....when the pieces don't fit anymore..."

J, I miss you. I miss you a lot.

On your blog you sometimes confess your feelings to this S, that C. And you hope they will feel the same way too.

How endearing.

J.

Your loneliness hurts me.
Why can't I fill up your emptiness?

You are the drive that ties me to this page, although you don't know.

I wonder when should I let you know?
I always think the people I like deserve to know that I like them. They deserve the warm feelings and self-esteem brought about by affection from somebody else. They deserve it.
But I've always spoken from the position of someone who holds onto her secret feelings for as long as she feels like. Until it gets too big and she has to say it out to let it die and leave her alone.

Emotional, melancholic, sentimental, that's my blog, that's your blog, too.
Yet who are we in real life? I'm rational, intellectual, even pragmatic, strong and sometimes playful.
You're nice, artistic,  melancholic, popular and philosophical.

We......do we match? Is that chemistry I've felt nothing more than one of my endless illusions?
Reading your blog is like reading my diary. That melancholy, that pondering, that emotional fling.

Why, J?
Why can't I reach you?
Why is there a glass door, a barrier that keeps me here, right here, but my right hand tries to reach out, my left hand tries to grope at nothingness, that cold smooth glass surface under which my feelings will be cremated.

Why, J?
Help? Help me reach you. Help me let this feeling out to you, this is purely for you, J!

But, should I tell you in the first place? Should I not?

A cultural irony

I don't want to be limited by my cultural background. Vietnamese stick to their own cultural barrier, making excuses like cultural tradition and customs to stick to their own kind and never improve. I hate that kind of thinking. I vehemently oppose it.

But isn't it fair? Why is English progressive and Vietnamese regressive? Isn't each cultural perspecti ve deserve its own credit? Each has something wise to teach to the world, no matter how skewed the world is in its choice of information channels. Shouldn't I be a champion of the under-represented because I happen to have managed to get out of this den to the greater world out there?

But, it's hard for me. It's hard. There is this prejudice in me, against my own culture, my own heritage. I've fought for so long to get out of its grip. I've denied its influence on me. A year ago I might not even consider it worth studying (which, in my own terms, is a big insult). I am ironic. I criticise global unfairness, and yet I'm enthralled by the vast scale of the winners, and I ignore the losers. I should be on the side of the weaker, encouraging and empowering them, but instead I've sought to identify with the stronger. I am ironic, and I am hypocritical.

Well, aren't we all?

七夕快到了，我对月老说

七夕快到了，我对月老说：我希望和我喜欢的人永远在一起。月老说：只能四天.我说好：春天夏天秋天冬天。月老说：只能三天。我说好：昨天今天明天。月老说：只能两天.我说：白天黑天。月老说：就一天.我说好：月老茫然问：要哪一天？我说：每一天。

Source: Unknown

Minor thesis

"The point of the minor thesis is just to show that you are able to carry out your own quality research. Dont try to be clever and dont pick an interesting topic that is hard to write about." ...even when that topic intrigues you? Nope.

Why belittle your own work like this? Why not write sth that intrigues people even though its hard? Why not think that the thesis is not just about you and for you; it's also for others to read and understand as well?

Is the thesis just a step towards your phd scholarship, or is it touching upon important things?

Why cant it be both?